For months I dreamed about France. The mountains. The trails. I imagined the views would be unforgettable. What I didn't realize was that the most important thing I would discover wasn't waiting for me in the Pyrenees at all. I took on the trip as a challenge. Both a mental and physical challenge. Not just while in France, but traveling outside the USA for the first time. I knew that for better or worse I would not return home the same person.
Having only done one trail run of 16 miles just prior to this trip I knew I was in for a challenge primarily due to my lack of experience. Every day my legs felt a little heavier. Every climb exposed muscles I didn't know I had. Every descent reminded me how inexperienced I really was. What kept me going was not only my own commitment but the amazing leadership by Andrea DeLee Risi with Headstrong Athletes who arranged this guided trip and daily coaching, along with the support of the other ladies on this women's only trip.
Although cycling was not the main focus of this trip I couldn't resist renting a bike and getting a few miles in, cycling will always be my passion. Especially with part of the Tour de France route nearby. I admittedly only made it up a portion of the Col d'Aspin on my mountain bike (should have gotten a road bike instead but hindsight is 2020) but was able to complete it with the pedal assisted e-bike. I can already hear die hard cyclists sharpening their pitchforks for such blasphemy, but it was so much fun and it afforded me the opportunity to experience that would have otherwise not happened. Standing at the top, I realized just how small I was. The climb exposed how strong the competitors must be, I really can't even fathom. Worth every Euro spent on the e-bike rental...even if it was 'cheating.'
The views from almost every angle were breathtaking, almost magical. Thanks to the location and accommodations provided by MSK65 Pyreness we were able to explore both France and Spain. One of the biggest surprises was how warm and welcoming people were. I was also very surprised that many could speak English, or sometimes Spanish so between the 2 it made communicating much more feasible than I had anticipated. Worst case scenario good ol' Google Translate came to the rescue.
Some moments looked like a postcard. Others looked like this. When this picture was taken, I told everyone, 'Please don't post this on social media.' Looking back, I'm glad someone captured it. It reminds me that some of the most meaningful moments don't look impressive at all. They look like complete exhaustion after giving everything you had. Growth isn't always glamorous.
Listening to the experience the other ladies there had, I started to second guess myself, was I good enough to even BE here? I had been putting in many miles as a cyclist, NOT a runner, and definitely not as a TRAIL runner which is a whole other skill set. The technical movements required for climbing or descending through various wild terrain was foreign to me. I felt like once we started running I would be exposed as an impostor and cast out for sure. My stomach was in knots. I had a few meltdowns quietly when running as the last person on the trail. I felt like failure was eminent. After days of repeating this routine I slowly realized that just showing up and putting myself in this scenario was the challenge. Just getting back up was the challenge. To keep saying YES was the challenge. Regardless of how long it took me, I was building self efficacy on a higher level than I had ever done before doing a completely new activity, and I was loving it. Going through the discomfort, mentally and physically, was the catalyst for growth. I did have a lingering doubt in the back of my mind – was I being fueled by the natural beauty around me?
Somewhere along the way, I realized the mountains weren't creating the magic. They were simply giving me the space to notice what was already there. The courage wasn't there. The resilience wasn't there. The willingness to try, fail, adapt, and keep moving wasn't there. Those things came with me.
The mountains were breathtaking. The people were incredible. The experience was unforgettable. But none of it would have mattered if I hadn't been willing to show up fully and experience it. Take the trip. Do the hard thing. You'll only ever regret the chances you didn't take, never those that you did.
Having started this women's group 5 years ago it has evolved, as have I. I started out with a much harsher attitude because I was in survival mode. Now I'm changing. It's fitting that Kunt Koalition is relaunching with a butterfly. Not because butterflies are beautiful. Because transformation requires discomfort. Growth requires uncertainty. And becoming requires leaving behind versions of yourself that no longer fit.
It is also fitting that I was given the trail name "Lune de fraises" which means Strawberry Moon in French. Unbeknownst to my trail companions, that exact moon phase was only weeks away, and symbolizes growth after struggle, emotional clarity after chaos, and the reminder that transformation happens in phases not over night. It is also about harvesting lessons, releasing heaviness, and learning that even difficult seasons can still create beautiful things.
I can do hard things.
Confidence is built through action.
Adventure doesn't create you. It reveals you.
Growth begins where certainty ends.
Movement creates clarity.
I'll never forget the mountains. I'll never forget the trails, the climbs, the people, or the views. But when I think back on France and Spain, that's not what I'll remember most. I'll remember the woman who kept saying yes. The one willing to be uncomfortable. The one willing to keep going. The one willing to trust herself. Because the magic was never in the mountains. It was within me all along. The mountains simply gave me the space to finally see it.
